What qualifies me to serve Medexine in ceremony? Am I a shaman? Do I need to be? What is my accountability? Why would you trust me?
As spiritual practitioners are literally mushrooming everywhere, one begins to wonder if anyone can now pull out some crystals and cards, don a few feathers and call themselves a shaman…
More compassionately, as we are collectively waking up to the endless possibilities of power and connection we ALL hold within ourselves, what qualifies any of us to open our practice (and usually bank accounts) to the community as a service?
There are some that argue that in order to ensure high calibre practitioners they must come through a specific lineage. There are for example the lineages of the Huni Kuin and Shipibho tribes of the Amazon who pass down their ancient Ayahuasca lineages - and even within these tribes there are various schools and masters.
Closer to home there are the lineages of various Xhosa tribes whose Sangomas work with certain totems, for example the snake or eagle. Also family/tribal lines who work in specific ways and, as an initiate, you will be called through ancestral communications to Twasa (literally meaning ‘bloom’) with that sangoma and their lineage.
Often you will be called through dreams, personal challenges, sicknesses or bloodlines to follow these lineages. Although, as these worlds begin to open up more, people from outside of the clans/ tribes are being called into these previously closed traditions.
They all involve a rigorous training of some kind although there is a huge variation in how individuated it is, how much power you give to your ‘teacher’, how much support you are really given and how much freedom you get to explore your own magic. They are all very specific to the culture and heritage they have grown out of.
For years I longed to be called to a lineage, to have a guru, to train under someone… And, although I have a lot of respect for these “mystery schools”, my ideas have shifted over time.
In the West, specifically for myself in the UK with my Celtic roots, the lineage of wise women/ shamanic practitioners I come from (aka witches) were wiped out (hung/ hunted/ burnt) in the 1500’s onwards by the state and church seeking control and power. This was part of a process that removed people in Europe from their connection not just to their personal power, magic and spiritual practices but also their connection to the land, their community and their indigenous roots.
Let’s not forget we all have an indigenous heritage if we go far back enough… We all are from a certain land, valley, river, mountain if we trace it back - with specific customs, peoples and connections to Spirit.
This leads to 3 thoughts:
If I follow my own philosophy that nothing is going wrong and everything happens for a reason, there must be a good reason WHY the lineage of my shamanic ancestors was broken and buried for so many generations…
I believe that it was being protected and that the hierarchies and patriarchal conditionings of the time were at risk of distorting the magical knowledge we held sacred for millennia before then.
I also believe that because power corrupts, it needed to be hidden from those who could use it for malevolent uses…
Although there is great magic, beauty and power in the indigenous lineages that have been uninterrupted, I have also witnessed many practices that suppress the power of the student to feed the powers of the teacher. Practices that remove the individual signature of the student to bow to the spiritual ego of the teacher and that corrupt the ‘knowing’ of the lineage to ensure an oppressive hierarchy is not disrupted.
What if we are coming into a new age?
What if the time of top down learning from master to student is shifting?
What if we are growing as a species from children to adults where we are learning to trust the power we have within us and to access the collective consciousness through our own personal practice, without being in the shadow of a parental guide watching over us making sure we are behaving and doing the ‘right thing’?
I believe we are finding a balance in this world as we heal from the oppressive patriarchy and collapse the hierarchies. As we re-member our divine feminine in balance with our divine masculine, we reignite the mycelial network connecting us all in the energetic realms and no longer have to navigate gatekeepers with egoic agendas to access sacred wisdom we all have in our hearts when we allow ourselves to connect.
Through the Akasha/ the collective consciousness/ our spirit guidance/ connection to higher self, we are capable of channelling all and anything we need to heal ourselves and others if and when we need to.
This is an inside out approach - reclaiming our personal power is also about remembering our divine sovereignty and letting go of the lie that we need the doctor/ teacher/ politician/ God outside of self in order to save us…
Shaman (from the Siberian lineages first documented by Western academics) simply means the “one who knows,” and is a broad term that cover seers, witch doctors, ones who work with plant Medexine, energy healing, ancestral connections, spirit channels…or as I would say:
... The ones who bridge the seen and unseen world as a way to bring people into greater knowing/ wholeness.
As we in the West no longer live in connected communities who would organically identify and revere their chosen shamans (often from childhood) we find a lot of people self-professing, doing online trainings or even paying high prices to be initiated into different lineages with greater or lesser integrity of practice.
My personal journey is one of many lineages and yet no One, and this led to huge imposter syndrome in this world for a long time.
I’m never sure where to begin the story, because one of the deep initiations common to shamanic practitioners is the dark night of the soul, or more usually, many dark nights of the soul. So, without embarking on a list of personal experiences that ripened me towards this work, let me simply say that I got an uncanny feeling that life had condensed many epic events into the years from birth to 35 (birth/death/abuse/loss/love/travel/addiction/parenthood/isolation). So that I was able to step into a different role by the time I physically and mentally burnt out running my theatre company (my ‘dream job’) and took a leap of faith in the Universe, coming to Cape Town not knowing how I would survive as a single mum with no work…
It was Peruvian Amazonian shamans who served me Ayahuasca and both validated the strong callings I received that this was my path and simultaneously did not offer to initiate me into their lineage…
I was not offended - I knew Ayahuasca was not my Medexine - I am not of the jungle - I am not of its lineage…
I had to listen deeply to my own wisdom to realise it was the mushrooms that were my Medexine and had been working through me already for over 15 years.
I had to open a personal relationship with the mushrooms - talking to them, asking permission of them, working individually with them, following their guidance to enact certain things. This was not about having a intermediary to tell me I was ‘good enough’ or ‘right’, this was about me and the Medexine in communion.
Alongside this I had been on a journey of spiritual awakening for 7 years already, developing a robust philosophy, belief system and growing array of practices from meditation, to yoga, to reiki, to forefront my own healing and awakening within my world.
Half of this work is receiving the call, the other half is heeding it and dedicating the greater part of your life to following it… And only you will know if you are really following what is being asked of you. We all have different distortions to unpack, individual strengths to grow, unique skills to hone…
The more we immerse in the world - without disappearing from it (Don Juan the shaman of Carlos Castaneda talks of how shamans always have a foot in both worlds, often holding down a physical job as well as doing this sacred work so as to remain grounded) - the more our path is revealed and the harder the lessons become.
Be wary of the one who says they are healed, enlightened or of a higher incarnation than you. Many souls who open the gates to the unseen world fall into the trap of spiritual egoism, as they begin to believe they are the chosen one, special, ‘better than’.
This was a lesson I learned the hard way - believing these souls who had “open vision” to be the ‘real’ shaman and feeling a deep imposter syndrome, even after I received massive signs from the universe that this was the path I was destined for.
I was recognised by a ‘teacher’ and taken on at an alarming speed to serve Medexine practically overnight. Within months I was serving huge groups - feeling like a fraud.
During this time - still doing a lot of personal work, the mushrooms told me I HAVE to sing to hold space - that my magic comes through the music. At every turn I was having to trust the guidance from within, to listen to the higher voices and my heart. My ‘teacher’ did not like this and other things I was being guided to work with. Just as abruptly as I began, I was dropped, and again returned for consultation with the Ayahuasceros who reassured me of my path.
Whatever the path - I know it is not meant to be easy. It must test your mettle, your faith, your dedication to the path…
I longed for a teacher, a guide - someone to validate me and hold me. At every step I was shown how I had to find belief in myself, that the wisdom had to come from within me, that I had to release the need for outside validation.
I desperately wanted to open my vision further so that even on microdoses I could see the spirit realms for ceremony work - the mushrooms guided me to understand that my whole life I had worked with “seeing is believing”, and I had to learn to believe beyond what I saw… To believe that feeling is believing. I had to learn to deeply trust myself, the work, Spirit, the Universe.
I believed I had to be able to ‘do what the ayahuasceros do’, by pulling out spirits and ‘healing people’. I was shown that we are moving away from the relationship of healer and healed. That those hierarchies are becoming outdated (not to undermine those still working in that way - we all have our parts to play). That humans are learning to heal ourselves. That my role is to empower others to become self-healing within a compassionate community of held divine feminine love.
Many dark nights of the soul later, I feel deeply blessed to have been surrounded by many, many guides seen and unseen that encouraged me on my path.
As much as the mushrooms can have a grounded ancient earthy masculine energy, there is a deep feminine wisdom running through their mycelial network that many powerful wise women have reflected back to me time and again…
“You have it all within you”… “The Medexine is your teacher - it is a direct line”…“You don’t need an intermediary to validate you”…“No one can interfere with your personal relationship to spirit”…“Many teachers, no gurus”…“Trust in yourself”…
And 7 years of holding ceremonies later, I have released so many notions of what I “should” be doing or what I need in order for the default world to recognize who I am or what I do… And imposter syndrome is still something I’m healing! I’m still learning to trust myself and my inner guidance. The difference is that now I have no doubt that this is the path I had to take to get here. That I could never have got here giving my power away to someone I saw as ‘greater’ than me, as that was a repeat trauma pattern I’d been living my whole life.
And so the path continues to unfold. In my initiating visions I was shown myself as this Medexine woman in a nappy! Powerful yet green! I have no doubt this is a journey of many lifetimes with many guides along the way - with my inner guide as the constant - this is a deepening relationship with self, with spirit, that has no limits.
And I now understand that I HAD to forge my own way - no lineage could train me as the Medexine did in direct communion - as my higher self has in intimate relationship - stripping away ego and constructs of patriarchy I had deeply ingrained that needed weeding out.
I also do not call myself a shaman, not because I do not believe in my calling, but because of the connotations of it making me somehow superior. People are all too eager to hand their power away to me - to get me to heal them - to place me on a pedestal.
And this does nothing for their own personal power journey or my ego!
I call myself a space holder, a healing arts facilitator, a ceremony guide, a Medexine music channel - I am someone who in this lifetime is here to be the bridge between worlds and support people in their own re-membering of this connection we all have. This connection was severed in my youth and reclaiming it has helped me so much that I am called to guide others to the same re-connection.
In ceremony, I tell people I am their mother for the night - there is nothing they can do to offend and I am here to love them unconditionally in their healing. But like a good mother I am here to empower them to become independent. I trust them to do the work they need to do, while I provide the conditions best suited to open their hearts and minds.
No person, no Medexine, no magic outside of you can do the work for you - it has to be you.
If you believe you need anyone or anything outside of yourself to be ‘healed’, you are giving away your power and undermining your magic.
It’s time for a collective awakening.
Having said all of this - I don’t want people to think that everyone and anyone can start serving Medexine to big groups and call themselves a shaman…
I mean they can, and as long as people are willing to give their power away, they will! And so the world turns! But this is part of our collective maturation - our awakening. You have to take responsibility for making sure you align with the practitioners you choose to support your personal journey. And we have to stop being stunned by titles, exotic terminology or potions, fear tactics of protection… Smoke and mirrors, as they say.
And, as you grow your trust in your intuition, let me also state a few basics that I believe are imperative to ensure best practice in this realm. These are non-negotiables for me as a practitioner and within practitioners with whom I am seeking to work with. For although I believe we are all awakening to our own power - it is through deepening community connection that we can see our divine reflections and amplify our growth:
I’ll probably ruffle a few eagle owl feathers by saying this 😜 - but in some ways I believe we are all capable of being a shaman. We are all special - we can all connect to spirit - we can all channel from the unseen world…
And yet it is NOT everyone’s path in this lifetime - many of us have other things pulling us - other pathways to explore…
As we ALL awaken, some of us may get confused as to whether we are here to bring those learnings into a community sharing situation or simply allow them to grow us on our personal path. BOTH are needed and equally valid. And this work is not for the weak hearted.
I believe one of the reasons I have not had a long term relationship for the last 15 years is to make way for this work - as I said - it’s no part time commitment!
The conversation about money and selling these things is another longer article, but needless to say it is an exchange and if this is your full time dedication it needs remuneration. However, possibly the capitalist framework we live in can distort our need to make a career out of all we do, and maybe some of us don’t need to make a business out of our gifts.
I realise in debunking the need for a formal lineage I am opening the door to even less standardisation of spiritual practice and qualifications for the work. It’s a real Wild West out there for seekers of high calibre practitioners.
However, often these gatekeepers are corrupt in their intentions and I have experienced many a “qualified” sage who has poor practice or morals or who has been corrupted by the power bestowed upon them.
That’s why you can only trust your intuition and must get to know anyone you are planning to allow to hold you in your energetic work.
Be wary of people who promise to heal you, who scare you with extreme diagnoses of your needs, who take your power, make you feel small and needy and present themselves as the solution to your problems in life.
If you don’t understand lengthy jargon - question it. You should never feel out of your depth in your own healing journey. You should always feel that you understand the ceremonies, rituals and practices happening for you (if not on an intellectual level, on an intuitive level).
I believe practitioners should share their own flaws and shadows. I want to feel the human realness of them and a personal connection to their work.
If choosing a practitioner from a specific lineage makes you feel safer - go for it. And also know it is not a fail safe of best practice. There are countless stories of Gurus who have sexually violated people and sages who have exponentially grown their initiate pools to grow status and money.
I believe people are brought into our fields all the time to grow and learn from - as teachers, peers, lovers, friends, family…
Can you have an honest conversation with your higher self as to how or why they might be brought to you? Can you prevent yourself from being awed and flattered by their attentions and powers? Can you see them as your divine reflection? Do you trust them in your heart?
Ultimately we are our own best shaman! We all have a complex lineage of ancestry that is forming our unique path of magical growth. And we are surrounded by many other magical beings reflecting that back to us.
I do not undermine the hard work it takes to be in this field - I know it deeply. All paths of mastery take time and dedication. And there are people everywhere that need the gifts we have all come to give…
Can we learn to trust our own magic?
Can we learn to trust we know who and what is best for us to support the growth of our magic?
What a beautiful time to be alive.
